Thanks, Management. (Formerly Talktalk}

The Gift

My gift this year, to me from me, is living in the present. (Pun definitely intended). I am not dwelling in the past tonight, nor am I dreading anything future. Tonight, I am simply enjoying the moment that is mine but for a fleeting breath upon the wind of time.

The house is quiet. The street outside is quiet, too. Thick, blankety snow lies on the ground outside, making a beautiful reflective surface for the holiday lights. All is well.

Tonight, we opened our gifts to each other, as is our tradition. It was great!! Nobody tells you that Christmas is even more fun when you're a parent than it is when you're a child. My children were thrilled to death with their gifts. Delaney says her favorites are the books (YEAH!!!!), and Greyson is now in bed with his mony (pony), who is already named Douglas. The kids were so PURE tonight. It was magical...the joy and anticipation, the honest responses, the fact that it took them 45 minutes to go to sleep LOL....this has been a truly special Christmas, indeed!

Cult of Kym

For a long time, I've referred to my own brand of spirituality as the Church of Kym, later amended to the Cult of Kym. I personally have a problem with organized religion. Personally. For me. Not for others, as long as they are not pushing their dogma onto others or sitting on a judgemental high horse.

I grew up in an extremely conservative sect of the Nazarene church. Deep in the heart of Appalachia, this church was mainly comprised of my mom's side of the family. My mom is number four of thirteen kids. My grandparents, the siblings, their spouses and their children (my generation) made up, I'd venture, 70% of the church. The rest were just like the Matsons: poor, working class, strict, closed minded, family-oriented.

One did not question anything taught or believed by the Church. One didn't dare. To even question was to disrespect the Word of God. The Word was considered the final authority, but the Word was interpreted by the pastor, who came from a staggeringly long line of Pastors Before Him. From time to time, my uncle Mark would preach. The pastor had no sons, and was grooming my uncle to fill his shoes. That is, until Terry came along. Most of you probably know all about Terry. If you don't, you can probably put together pieces of the puzzle here in the blog. In any case, I am not going to talk much about it now. Too long a story!! Suffice to say, when the time came for my dad to renounce the church, there was a shitstorm. Really, the entire atmosphere was very frightening.

Organized religion bothers ME (just for me, mind you) because I don't want anyone telling me what is right. I think God lives inside. Therefore, how can a priest or pastor dictate how I should live, think, believe, love? I do hold myself to a moral code. When I wrong someone, I do make restitution. I try every day to align my intentions with the Harmony of the Universe.

Now, I love Jesus. I feel him in my heart very deeply. He's real to me. I also believe in a feminine version of God. I also believe that other Gods or Goddesses exist. I believe that the most important incarnation of God is the Spirit of Love. I don't believe that God wants us to be nasty or hate. I believe we are put here to learn lessons, perhaps the same ones until we get it right. We are put here to take care of each other. We are here to give. We are here to perfect our Soul. Just a small insight into my religious beliefs. If you want to call them religious!

I'm jolly~!~!

...and I don't know why!

Last month, my aunt in Florida called my grandparents here in the north at 3 a.m. She was standing on the side of the road yelling at some gang-punks. She was high on crack and all kinds of other drugs. Later that night, she tried to SELL a woman for drug money!!!

Just this weekend, my other aunt on my maternal side of the family attempted suicide.

Allllll the people on my mom's side are nuts, tons of abuse issues within the family and the church.

We have real huge money problems right now. We owe more than we are making and we have hell-hound creditors on our trail.

However!! I am in good spirits. I have all kinds of hopes for human kind, and for the entire Jacobs family.

I am sooooo excited about our Christmas! I just found out tonight that Gene has off the day after Christmas, too! YEEEEEEHAW!

I want to blog about some of my spiritual beliefs. But have to teach in the morning.

The Da Vinci Code, and other talktalk

Well! That was mighty satisfying! I just finished The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown. If you don't want spoilers, don't read the rest!

I do have a few critiques and comments, so let's get to those now!

**It was predictable in some places, but I think that was largely on purpose, to make you feel like you were solving SOME of the riddles. I don't enjoy books where there's a great mystery, and when it is revealed, it makes no sense.

**However, I think Brown made Sophie a little slow on the uptake. For instance, when they discovered a certain deciphering tool, Sophie was all, "Hmm, I've heard of that", and Langdon was like, "Yeah, this is the stuff from Cryptology 101". Grrrr. What was up with that? Sophie was never the first one to figure anything out, and that got on my nerves.

**I loved that the book wasn't all full of sexual tension between Langdon and Sophie.

**I loved that Fache ended up being a decent character. I was all set to hate him!

**Here's a part that really bugged me. When Teabing was showing Sophie one of the lost gospels, the book of Phillip I think, the writing was really off. It didn't sound like Biblical writings at ALL. Incongruent!

**The best thing about the book, IMO, was that it all could be so true. I have never believed that everything the church says is all the truth, or at all the truth. Down to the part where the popes voted on the divinity of Christ, down to the part where Mary Magdalen and Jesus were married and had a child. Down to the part where the Priory of Sion exists, and the purpose of their existence.

Your thoughts?

Pieces of poems not yet written

Goodness all around me
Beauty that astounds me
Listen to the music of my life
And it sounds like, it sounds to me

Where can I go with this???

No comments necessary, I will finish it if something comes to me!

more poetry

*untitled*

whispering eyes
she tells me her sorrows with silence
the way she appeases
the way she says what i say, how i say it,
when it is appropriate to say
one more little nerve-box
one more pleaser
one more conformist

what is not said
what is held in
become secrets from herself
without her knowledge
another bad mommy
another sad, beautiful girl

*another untitled*
inexplicable
that i would feel this warmth
the light, i was sure, was off
against your skin
i breathe
i grow
the more i taste of you
the more i know

Pick up lines that fail

"Feel my muscles".

"How old are you? Because I like my women younger than me."

"I've been watching you, and your an attractive woman. Women your age don't usually take care of themselves."

"I need to feel your waistline to see if I like you".

(After I said that it was my birthday) "So, how old are you? 37?"
I replied, "Nope".

So then he guessed 42. I was like, dude, guess DOWN.

Your turn...tell me some good ones!

Chocolate/Marshmallow Goodness

YOU'RE ONE SWEET WHIRLED!


Which flavor of Ben n' Jerry's ice cream are you?
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Thanks, Chryse! You are always on the quiz cutting edge!

It's really not all about me

I mean, this blogspace is, of course. But not everything else.

Since thirty, I've been throwing myself birthday parties. I just think it's a fun excuse to get together with my friends and go out. This year, I'm feeling a little guilty about it. I was all excited until a few days ago, but now I'm worried that I'm being self-centered, narcissistic, whatever...

Also, I got these awesome pants. Think urban hip hop meets Kim Possible. I was thrilled to death when mother in law bought them. Now, I just think they are too show-offy.

Early birthday angst I guess. I really don't want to be annoyingly attention hungry.

Vivid dreams

Thanksgiving night, I dreamed that Greyson was covered by the strangest, most awful rash. It was the texture of birdseed, and nobody would touch him except for me. I carried him to the doctor, and he was healed but it took a lot of time. That dream bothered me a lot!

The other one I had was about my friend, but he was named something different. He was driving me away from bad people. But his name was Vince (IRL, it's Bill), and he had done something illegal. SO not like Bill. Strange. I had an okay, if uneasy feeling in this one, not like the Greyson birdseed skin one.

I'm odd.

Yeah, pretty much...

I found this quiz at this woman's work, linked at right.

You are a Bystander. You may have been a member of
various communities for a long time and may not
have always been a Bystander or this may be a
role with which you've always been comfortable.
In any case, you participate but hold back too
much emotional investment. You appreciate the
information sharing and have made some friends
but you stay out of broader community politics
and avoid certain discussions entirely.


What kind of alterna-parenting community member are you?
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