Thanks, Management. (Formerly Talktalk}

American Idol...you know you love it!

Welcome, one and all, to a new season of American Idol: Search for a Bubblegum Pop Star! I gots the recaps, baybaby! Come on, read it. You know you're still Simon's bitch.

Tuesday night's episode opened in New York City! Count how many times Simon or Randy suggest the singer try out for Broadway. Or wouldn't make it on Broadway. Or need to be off-Broadway, or off-off Broadway, or waaaaaaaaaay off Broadway. Dudes, the joke is getting old. How's about some new material, eh comedy writers?

Anyway, here are some of the highlights (and lowlights, if you will) from episode one.

Supposedly, this year's competition is going to be tougher, more brutal. Randy Jackson takes this as a cue to rough up the contestants a little before Paula confuses them and Simon takes the final blow. (Ohh, that sounds vaguely pornographic!) Anyway, I take it to mean that they are finally going to pick a top thirty with some actual vocal talent, perhaps some training, and some personality. But from the looks of most of the ones they let through to the next round, what they are looking for is a slick look, fit appearance and a very loose semblance of "singing". Sigh...

In New York, there is a lot of shrieking that passes for singing. Sometimes, the judges praise the shrieking, sometimes they diss it. I can't figure out WHAT is going on.

Anyway! Highlights of New York...Paul An, the crazed military guy who comes in and says some scary ass speech about stabbing the enemy with a sword? Then he raps in Korean? WTF? I was baffled. Also, the chick from Bulgaria who sang a Cher song in a more gravelly voice than Cher? SCARY! And we continue the twins theme with Jesus (pronounced Je-zus, not Hay-soos, oddly enough!) and Roman, who were good, and then Katrina and Edwina, who were "ghastly". God, I love Simonspeak. I hated the skit with the girl who couldn't sing, so they sent her to the mall. SO! STAGED! Also laughed my ass off at the girl who Be-bopped through the lyrics to Route 66. Most annoying singer of the night? The fame-whoring "Scooter Girl" Can't believe they let her through!!! She is this season's Carmen!!! Sigh. I am tired of New York. On to...

ATLANTA! The singing was better here, I thought. But, the main theme of the night seems to be grovelling and being completely fake, then singing somewhat on-key, and getting invited to Hollywood. Ho, hum.

Houston. I won't say it, I won't say it. Okay, I will. We have a problem. This was like, the most depressing episode of AI ever. Except for all the ones last year where Carmen didn't get voted off, but I digress. Almost EVERY singer was gawdawful. Watching this episode was like psychological torture. Even the guy at the end who threw water on Simon was lackluster. (And staged again, I would bet my ass). I am afraid that "lackluster" will describe this entire season.

But I'll be watching.

January 16, 2003

A day in the life of an almost two year old

8:35 a.m: Sleep in? Why? Just because I didn't go to bed until almost midnight, after crazy naps the day before. I like to keep 'em guessing.

9:38 a.m: Just had breakfast at nine. Begin demanding popcorn. When Daddy says "Not right now," throw self onto floor in fit of grief.

11:00 a.m: Put hand inside diaper. Find something yucky. Clean hands by rubbing them onto Dad's pillowcase. {Mommy secretly thanks you for not wiping the poop on HER pillowcase!}

12:44 p.m: Eat three bites of lunch. Decide that my food sucks, but what my sister has on her plate (same exact lunch, by the way) is far superior. Try to steal her food. Climb on to table, crawling through the fruit salad. Make huge fuss when pulled off of table.

2:22 p.m: Nap. Bliss! Mommy gets an hour of quiet!

3:02 p.m. That wasn't an hour! I'm awake! I hate it! I'm still sleepy!! I NEED THE BOPPY! I NEED MY MOM! AGHHHHHHHHHHHHH! AGHHHHHHHH! Oh. There you are, mama. Give me some bop. There, there...I will lull you to sleep with the powers of my nursing and cute, cuddly self in the warm bed. I will use my magic to make mama fall asleep, thereby thwarting her efforts to clean while I nap. Ha HA!

4:24 p.m. Awake from nap, refreshed. Climb off bed and begin reign of terror. Start begging for popcorn as soon as feet hit carpet.

5:13 p.m: My mom is trying to cook! NO! I mustn't let her accomplish something today! What to do? I KNOW! Fill diaper with horrid, toxic sludge. That'll fix her!

6:09 p.m: Eat five bites from own plate, three from Daddy's, two from mom's, decide I'm full, bring harmonica to table and try to play it with big bite of bread in mouth. Throw harmonica into butter dish.

6:49 p.m: Sister trying to build with blocks. Even though I was previously into my trucks, I go and knock her blocks down. Seventy nine times. Persistence pays! As soon as she gives up, so do I!

7:19 p.m: Turn on and off tv thirty seven times.

7:29 p.m. Drag chair over to sink while mom tries to do dishes.

7:43 p.m: Look longingly out window, and say "Raining...mama...raining" and be so cute that nobody can be mad at me right now.

8:00 p.m: Bath time. Cry to get out. Cry to get back in.

8:39 p.m. Mom offers me popcorn for a snack. Refuse. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

9:02 p.m: Bedtime. Take fifty two minutes to fall asleep!

REPEAT!

This is how I remind me

Here are some things I need to get done.

**Take some ebay pics and actually get the freakin' auctions up.

**Look up tax info. TODAY if possible!

**Do a massive closet purge. Every closet.

/most boring entry ever

Questions! I love 'em!

Play along if you wanna. (Thanks, Chryse, for the idea.)

Please recommend the following to me...

1) A movie
2) A book
3) A CD
4) A LJ user/blogger (not on my blogroll)
5) A website

Then do the following:
A) Ask me something. Anything.
B) Tell me something about yourself that you don't think I already know.

Ask and it shall be given

Go back a few entries, and read my whining, venting, and ranting on about nothing working out for me WRT my career. Now, delete! I have some GOOD news to share!

Today started out phantasmally crappy. I had to decide things today, I thought, and I had to make a billion phone calls. I'll try to spare every tiny detail. Just to recap or bring every reader up to speed, I am trying to decide whether to stay with my current gig teaching Jazzercise in a town about 30 miles away, or go with a local gym and leave Jazzercise. Each option has its own pros and cons.

A few days ago, my dear friend Michele (not to be confused with my boss, Michele, same spelling, natch!) asked me what I wish would happen. Out loud, I said that I wished either the gym would offer me more money, or that someone would be the new owner of a Jazzercise franchise in Lancaster and just let me teach there.

So today, my boss Michele told me that another colleague, Suzanne, wanted to open her own franchise. Perhaps in Lancaster! So, I call her, she asks me all kinds of things about the gym, she asks me to CALL the gym to set up a meeting, I do so...

I get Cindy, gym co-owner, whom I met with 2 weeks ago, and who told me that there was no per-class fee for me. I began to explain what was going on with Suzanne now, and that I might just go into business with her, when she told me that she was going to pay me the $15 per class that I wanted. She told me that I needed to keep that information confidential, because none of the other instructors would be getting that much money. In fact, none of them are going to be paid anything above the free babysitting and complimentary membership.

I was a bit stunned, but in a really good way! I told Cindy that I needed even more time, and we set a date of January 23 for me to come to a decision.

I am going to call Suzanne back in the morning, and tell her that if she can't give me four classes a week at $15/class, then I am going to go with the gym.

Whoooo hooo! I am so happy to be getting offered what I think I am worth, and to be thisclose to having what I wanted in the first place: a nice place to work, a good wage, free childcare on site, and a close drive!

Feeling really relieved!

Poverty, privilege, and the in-between

There are two friends, very similar in intellect, interests, life-paths, among many other things. {ed. note-I hate that sentence, but am not fooling with it right now.}

One friend grew up in a culturally rich metropolitain area. She was targeted for an academic magnet school. She graduated near the top of her class, and got scholarships. She went to an excellent private college, one known for academics. She went on scholarship to another country. She knew diverse experiences, was exposed to the finer things in life. Went on to get a master's and started her Ph. D. Is exceptionally well-read.

The other friend grew up in an economically depressed part of southern Ohio. Went to a school where there weren't advanced placement or college track classes.She graduated in the top ten of her class, and won a full-ride scholarship. Went to a decent, yet public, university known primarily for partying, because that's where she won her scholarship and she needed the money in order to get to school. Didn't leave the country (though she applied to do so, but the academic guidance counselor lost the application). Didn't get a master's.

Now, both friends are living similar lives. Both are stay at home moms to two kids apiece. To the naked eye, there is no huge difference in the qualities of their lives, socially or economically. But there is a difference, and it is tangible if you are on the inside. For one thing, the first friend has had more experiences. Travels, books, arts...these things count. The second friend hadn't ever HEARD of or been EXPOSED to some of the things that the first friend was reading about in freakin' HIGH SCHOOL.

I am the second friend, as you may have guessed. I am not on a big pity party about what I have missed, because I am learning it NOW, and now counts. However, I sometimes feel a fool when I am with my other friends. I know I have plenty of brain power, but I feel like I am three grades behind, because I am JUST NOW even REALIZING that some of these authors, scientists, poets, ideas, EXIST.

It is very distressing to me that other kids like me are missing out on things like ballet, feminist literature, real computer instruction, advanced placement classes, exposure to more than one foreign language choice, cultural diversity...It's depressing, and damned unfair! I saw it when I was teaching fourth grade. I had kids who had NEVER travelled out of Perry County, Ohio (one of the poorest counties in the state). These kids are then expected to compete on state wide tests against children who have their own horse stables, servants, who travel worldwide with their involved parents, who have the internet at home. Some of my kids didn't even have their own books!

It's just a big, huge disservice and I wanted to bitch about it!!

Note-not spell checked or edited in any way. In a hurry.

Laughing hysterically here...

Congratulations! You're Merry!


Which Lord of the Rings character and personality problem are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

This is the funniest damn quiz I've taken in awhile. The questions are the usual, but the RESULTS! OMG! When you get yours, please tell me what you got! And be SURE to read "all results" when you're at the quiz (at the end). OMG!! I am in stitches here!

I saw it!

I finally saw the movie! It was SOOOO AWESOME!

Will dessiminate about it later!

Kym, happy happy Kym

Sigh...Legolas....

A little shaken

Tonight, I took Delaney to Target after ballet for diapers and a couple of small items. We were lollygagging about on our way to the car, carefree, trying to catch snowflakes on our tongue. All of the sudden, I see a man walking toward me. He shoves a piece of paper toward me, and with a voice full of alcohol, asks me if I can help him get to Columbus. I think he needs directions, so I start explaining how to get there. He interrupts me with the story of how his car was towed, and he needs money to get back to Columbus. He is moving ever closer to me. I say, "Okay, I understand you...hold on...I have my child here." I look at Delaney calmly but severely at the same time, tell her to get in, and to strap in. She does it quick, and I lock her inside. As soon as she is inside, he comes close to me again. I say to him, kindly, "You need to back up". He backs up and apologizes. Then he tells me his name and says, "I'm a good person. I'm a good person. I'm freezing out here, I just need $22 for a bus ticket". I ask him to back up again. I get into my car, and give him my coffee money, which totalled $7. I did have more in my purse, but I wasn't sure if I should open it. I just gave him the money quick and told him to be careful, and I waited until he walked away from me and I got back in the car again.

I'm not sure if I did the right thing.

I am sad that I had doubts about him, but I just couldn't take the chance on him, not with Delaney there.

I could have given him the entire $22, but I didn't feel good about digging for the money while he waited.

I feel bad that he may NOT be a good person, and all I did was give him $7 for more beer.

When I got back in the car, Delaney was full of questions, and I answered them the best way I knew how. She came to the conclusion that it was good that we helped him.

I'm just shaken up.

I am definitely not worthy!

You are Angela Davis! You were the THIRD WOMYN IN
HISTORY to appear on the FBI's Most Wanted
List. You are a communinist, black power-lovin'
lady who shook up the United States when you
refused to lie down quietly to oppression. You
WENT TO JAIL! Wow. You kick so much more ass
than Foxxy Brown.


Which Western feminist icon are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

More sour persimmons

If I just bitch here about all the things on my nerves, I will be a better person and mother IRL.

Since last year when I didn't get to see The Two Towers, I have been anticipating The Return of the King. Gene and I said we'd see it together, no matter what. Well, it's been weeks since the debut, and we've not seen it. Scratch that. Gene finally went to see it yesterday. I am glad he did see it, and between the two of us, he is the one who is the bigger, truer fan. But I am jealous and bummed out that I won't be seeing it. Unless I go by myself, which I know I could. But I don't waaaaaaant to go by myself. Whine whine. I can't believe I am not seeing it again this year. POUT!

insert depressing blog title

Don't mind me, I'm just down. I don't even really need comments, I wouldn't know how to respond except saying' "yeah".

Besides the rollercoaster of Jazzercise turn of events, I am dealing aith other "little stuff", which, if taken one by one or two by two, wouldn't amount to much. But all of them at once are making me yibby. {Yibby is a word coined by Gene or myself, we can't recall which, when Delaney was a bairn}.

The two things that are getting to me worst are lack of Gene time, and something really out of line, over the limits of friendship and reason, and painfully hurtful that a friend said to me. Read on for the full pity party.

Gene and I can not seem to get it together. At all. We dont' talk, we email. When we talk at all, we are doing the ten-minute fill each other in on the events of the day and days to come. We used to have these really intimate, soul baring talks. Now, I have them with my girlfriends and people online. We barely have time to talk, let alone have any sexual contact. And when we do have time, maybe one or both of us feels too tired or too disconnected from the other.

The thing the friend said has already been forgiven. I am sure she said it from a place of concern for ME. But it was just the most harsh thing she, maybe anyone, has ever said to me. She told me my dad was a terrible father. In those words. In lots of ways, he isn't the best daddy. But terrible-wow, what a judgement call. Quirky, yes. Unconventional, absolutely. Did the best he could have? Maybe not. But I love my dad, he is devoted to me, and even replaying her words in my head right now is killing me. I am shaking this minute. I am not ready to talk about why this is bothering me so much, maybe there is a small element of truth to the fact that he is not the father of the year. But I can't believe she even said that to me and expects things between the two of us to be all hunky dory. I love her, but I am not sure if I can trust her with my deepest feelings, which she just loves to drag out of me at all times. Thing is, I saw this coming. I just did not think she'd attack my dad.

And I am sorry, I know I said I forgive you. I do. I just can't forget right now.

The Yaaps Odd Couple

Together again! I just love her!! I think it's adorable that someone who answers posts with "Snap the hell out of it!" can love someone like me, who gives lots of {{{{hugs}}}}. LMAO!

I spent a nice, albeit loud and busy day at COSI today. Kathy looks great, gorgeous new haircolor, and Sophie was more adorable than ever! Just wanted to shout out to my girl, KWK!

And no, there were no pics. Forgot my digi cam. Next time!

*Whimper*MEGA LONG POST

*Sob*

What do you do when logical choices don't match up with what you want in your heart?

Granted, what you will read below isn't a matter of life or death. It isn't a matter of whether or not my family will starve. It doesn't even mean I won't HAVE a job. I am jsut discouraged to the point of tears over this...

Since January, 2003 my professional life has been in flux. The Jazzercise center where I had worked for three years closed its location, and the owner moved her classes to a Senior Citizens' Center. The class size dwindled to three, as only people over 55 could go to the classes. In May, the owner closed the classes due to lack of interest (duh!)

Also in January, I went to work one day a week with some subbing here and there at a wonderful, lucrative center in a town around 30 miles away. The drive there is a tough one, crossing a major route to stores and businesses. It can take a good 45 minutes in the morning, and over an hour sometimes in the evenings. My boss there is SO wonderful to work for, the childcare person is EXCELLENT...she's an angel...the classes are big and full of fun, motivated people. However, I make $15 per class, which, by the time I pay for gas and childcare, isn't much. Gene and I have been talking about whether it's worth it to continue teaching there.

Meanwhile, I had another offer back in April to teach at another gym. Boss at big center was interested back then to open Jazzercise classes there, with me being the operator of the classes. Gym people and I made a deal. Gym's aerobic room wasn't ready, I was given a target opening date of August. Then October. Then December.

Early December I got a call from another neighboring center's instructor for whom I have subbed many times. Her center is very friendly, she's great to work for, but there's no childcare. She will pay me $18 per class, and my kids can sit in a back room (which I can see from stage) and her class manager will "check" on them from time to time. First week of December, I teach there while she does her training for a full time job (non-Jazzercise). Second week of December, my kids get the flu. Same week, she calls to tell me that she didn't get the job, but is still looking and wants me to teach there if/when she DOES get another job.

Third week of December, I get a call from gym. Gym owner says she's ready to talk. Big center owner is no longer interested in opening classes, and I will NOT be the owner, can't risk it financially.

New Year's Eve day, I meet with Gym owner to see if I can come to work there. Back in April, she had mentioned the the going rate for instructors was free babysitting, free gym membership, and $15 per class. During meeting, she says that payment for instructors is free membership and free babysitting. No per-class compensation.

AGHHHHHHHHHHH! I just want to work, dammit...in the field I have chosen. Being a student is okay, and I swear I am about to go that route and just forget about teaching, but it's not the same. I love teaching the class, motivating the crowd, watching someone bust a move they have never mastered, watching the shy new student emerge into a whooping dance fiend.

What I really wish would happen is that someone would open Jazzercise here in town. But I don't see it happening. I truly cannot risk it financially. I am just so bummed out. I don't know what to do at all.

I have had so many different opinions that opinions aren't helping anymore. Jazzercise is the best program out there, but I just can't see driving so far to teach one or two days a week. It's a loooong day. And I can't see sticking my son alone in a room, even one I can see. What happens the first time he sees me and wants to get on stage? He will cry the rest of the class. Can't do that.

FUCK! I am sooooo fucking discouraged.

I am a damned good instructor. If only the big center could give me a raise...it would make the drive/gas money more worth it.

WHIIIIINEEEE. DAMN I am tired of the what ifs!!!!!!!!