Thanks, Management. (Formerly Talktalk}

self absorption

But who the hell cares? It's my blog!

More things about me because I think the world needs to know them.

101. I have somewhat of an addictive personality. Good thing I've never gotten into gambling. I used to be hooked on Tetris. Now, I think, it's karaoke? LOL. Just kiddin'.

102. I would LOVE to be able to sing.

103. I get kinda sad if nobody comments on my blog. Silly though I know it is, I like to know if you're out there reading. Even if maybe I told you not to comment. LOL.

104. I have 20/200 vision and pretty bad astigmatism. If I could afford Lasik and they approved me, I'd SO be there.

105. I don't really care if some of these are repeats.

106. The most gorgeous place I've ever seen is British Columbia, CA. I'd go back in a heartbeat.

107. My favorite color to wear is either soft smoky green or deep, scarlety red.

108. I take terrible, terrible pictures. Either that, or I look in the mirror and see something else.

109. Aging is really upsetting to me.

110. I hate lies, but I can be really convincing at them.

111. I think I could be a decent actress.

112. My least favorite household cleaning chore would either be trash or toilets. I always feel like I need to take a full shower after I do either.

113. I want to live in Athens, Ohio. I want to read my poems there. I want to be forever young there.

114. I am embarrassed by the state of my weeds, my backyard, and my basement.

115. I am loving Delaney's Spirit soundtrack. Makes me want to cry.

116. I may now be becoming addicted to tattoos. I look at tattoo sites all the time, now that I have mine.

117. I think there is an artist in every person. I love seeing how someone's art manifests.

118. I am insanely proud about my Scottish heritage. McIntyre!!!

119. I find the Star Wars movies to be utterly dull.

120. I hate the way my stomach and my breasts look. I had nice ones and never appreciated them, and now they are forever changed by childbirth and nursing.

121. However...I have great, defined shoulders and a nice round ass.

122. I don't think that there is a man or woman out there who would make a good mate for life for me.

123. Six years ago tonight, I was trying to figure out how to make one very P.O.B. (pissed off baby) stop fussing and get some sleep!

124. Delaney didn't breastfeed for days and days. I pumped, and Gene fed her bottles. Thank GOD for the lactation consultants, who saw me three or four times before I got it right.

125. I like authentic food. For instance, I feel like Chi Chis is fake Mexican.

126. I've been arrested. Well, detained. Possession. It wasn't mine. Honest. And my parents believed me.

127. I am a very bad driver. I hate to drive. My dad would be sorry to hear this.

128. I could so eat a corned beef and swiss on rye just now...with a pickle.

129. I thought Greyson would be a girl. I was scared to have a son. Now I love it. I kick ass as a boy mama!

130. I plan to learn to skydive.

131. I never took typing but I am pretty fast these days.

132. My favorite high school class was World History, because Mr. Chambers was such a fascinating teacher.

133. Eastern High School had some really piss-poor teachers. I still want to write some letters, starting with Mr. Steven Weber and Mr. Scott Wolfe. Reprehensible!

134. Actors and actresses that I can't tolerate include: Meg Ryan, woman of one facial expression, Richard Gere, ditto and also thinks he's hot, Gwenyth Paltrow, skinny no-talent rests on the fact that she can do British accents fake crying stick girl, Christian Squinty Eyes Slater, and I'm sure there are more. I'm very critical of actors.

135. Musicians that I think have no talent: J-Lo. She's real like I'm a black man. Puhh leaze. The likes of Vanessa Carleton, Hillary Duff, Jessica Simpson, etc. Stoooppppp whiiiiiining. R&B singers who have to go through all of that melissima instead of just singing some straight NOTES!

136. I can't make pie crust.

137. My favorite holiday besides the obvious Christmas is Thanksgiving. I feel like it should come around four times a year. People forget about being grateful.

138. I'm grateful for my health, my friends, my children, my position in the world, my family (that includes you, Gene, no matter what happens here, okay?) and my inner will to live.

139. I like body hair. Major turn on.

140. I hate bad breath. Major turn off. Cigarettes ruin your breath. Couldn't marry, live with, or date a smoker. Even though I might adore them. Just can't deal. It lingers. I'm sorry because I know I have blog friends who smoke. I love you! I just can't deal with the breath.

141. I'm shocked to hear that Gene wants to put a Kerry sign in our yard! YEAH! My daddy will be appalled, though.

142. My favorite kids movies: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Tarzan, and Spirit.

That's enough for tonight.

She's six!

I can't believe I am the mother of a six year old. Prepare yourselves for the sappy post.

Six years ago, I was born anew. Delaney Rebekka-Leigh came into my world, locked eyes with me, and began right then and there to heal my soul. She has taught me so much more than I could ever teach her. She has taught me about self love, unconditional love, patience, humility, the importance of being gentle with people, and so much more.

I love finding out about who she is, watching her triumph over adversity, witnessing the tiny miracles which add up to the biggest miracle that ever came into my puny, meaningless life. I am so freaking proud to be the mama to the girl who flies with faeries, believes in unicorns, sings her heart out, and loves fiercely and tenderly all at the same time.

Make no mistake. My daughter rocks. She is the best, most compassionate person I've EVER had the complete honor of knowing.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my sweet Delaney.

Strange dream!

Two nights ago, when I got maybe four hours sleep, I had a very weird dream.

I dreamed that my friend Katye wanted to take me to a knitting night. For one thing, I don't knit. It's okay to try, but it's not really my thing. Anyway, I went, and not only was it a bunch of serious knitters, it was a Gospel Music and Knitting Night. Imagine the worst in twangy Southern Appalachian Gospel. So in my dream, I was sitting there, unable to turn a row of stitches, listening to this torturous music, when suddenly in the door bursts the band Fuel and both guys from the local tattoo shop. They spot me, and say "We're getting you outta here! You wanna rock!" I jumped up, grabbed Brett's hand and ran out of there.

Too funny.

Everyone must play! 100 things game!

Everyone who is my bloggy friend must play this. It's a good writing assignment...

Please post 100 things about you. I did this about a year and a half ago. Reading back, it gives me a picture of where I was in my life then.

Here are mine...read on...

1. I have a tattoo now. It's of my sign, Saggitarius, of which I am strangely very proud.

2. I love coffee, but can't make a consistently good pot for the life of me.

3. I wish I didn't love coffee. I think coffee is hard and unfeminine. But I just can't get into tea. And I neeeeeeeds my caffeine.

4. Embarrassingly, I am starting to like the song Redneck Woman.

5. I'm awfully ignorant about things like money, car repair, mowing, you know...man stuff. (LOL! I hate gender division in jobs, but I just don't know about 'em and kinda don't want to!)

6. I'm a big baby about cleaning up bodily fluids.

7. I'm extremely inept at anything that takes small motor control. Things like, for instance, Barbie clothes! Bah!

8. I love poetry! (Big surprise, eh?)

9. The ocean over the mountains, but not by much.

10. I graduated 17th in my University class. I was number eight in High School. Gene was number two!

11. I once majored in Social Work until my first internship, where I worked with mentally retarded (what is the right phrasing now? I don't want to be insensitive) adults. I think that my advisor, Paul Dovyak, put me there on purpose because he knew I wouldn't be able to hack it. I made it, and when we did our evaluations and had to say the most important thing we learned in our internship, my answer was that I learned that Social Work wasn't for me.

12. I then changed my major to Elementary Education with a science concentration. And though I loved the kids, I wish I had known that teaching wasn't really my thing, either.

13. The reasons why teaching isn't my thing has little to do with my patience for children and ability to facilitate learning situations, and much to do with my disdain for the current trends in public education in the U.S.

14. Like what? Like No Child Left Behind. Like proficiency testing. Like warehousing special needs kids. Yada, yada.

15. Seinfeld, in my not so humble opinion, is highly overrated.

16. I don't watch much TV at all.

17. I am way behind on movies, too.

18. The last movie I saw in a theatre was The Village.

19. The first movie I remember seeing was Bambi.

20. I will not buy Bambi for my kids to see. Too sad!

21. Disney is overrated too.

22. Some of the body builders that I come in to close contact with at World's Gym scare me a little. Just a little.

23. My middle name is Diann. I hate that name. It sounds so old. I don't really dig Kym that much either, except that the Y is cool...

24. Least favorite job ever-Subbing for junior high or highschool. Second least favorite-piercing ears!

25. Favorite job-teaching Jazzercise, as un-cerebral as that sounds.

26. Current rock star crush guy-Brett Scallions of Fuel. Troubled eyes, hard voice, tiny build, great tan, yum.

27. Today is my Grandma's birthday {August 27}

28. When I was in college, I had a terrible gymnastics accident that left me partially paralyzed for almost 24 hrs.

29. Since the accident, I've never tried tumbling again.

30. I was a cheerleader for seven years, including two college years. I don't feel that I was the stereotypical air headed fashionista.

31. I love cheese. And carbs. And dark wine and beer.

32. Hey! My age is 32. Anyway...I am running out of ideas here for some reason. Here's a fact: I sleep too little.

33. Delaney is having her very first birthday party on this Sunday...friends and everything.

34. I'm a fount of pop music trivia. Also I know a lot about music from the 60s. Hippie mama.

35. My dad is the biggest conservative politically. I think it's just because he was raised in such a strict religious community.

36. I was raised Nazarene, strict, skirts only, no makeup, Appalachian Nazarene.

37. I once threatened my sister with a broken pop bottle.

38. I have been in a few fistfights. Unfortunately, I have lost more than won.

39. Favorite fruit-blueberries.

40. Favorite veggie-broccoli.

41. The day I stopped being anorexic, I ate a huge Italian meal followed by a jelly donut.

42. When I was anorexic, I ate half of things, limited my calories to under 900, and exercised at LEAST four hours a day, sometimes eight.

43. On a similar note, I gained 43 pounds when pregnant both times! I was poofy!

44. Once, I told someone that I thought sheep were awfully cute. That turned into years of people giving me sheep ornaments, stuffed sheep, sheep decorations, coffee mugs with sheep, etc. ACK! Never tell anyone that you are collecting or interested in something!

45. The first time I got drunk, I was fourteen. I had sneaked a huge drink of wine from my dad's glass when he was away from the table. I stood up from the table and swooned.

46. I have a strange fascination with ear wax. Ewwwwwwwww.

47. There is this one writer whom I think must be going through or has gone through things sooooooo similar to me...it's eerie. I'm too embarrassed to tell who the writer is.

48. I get so freakin' tired of hearing negative things about homebirthing and homeschooling that I could screaaaaaaaaaaam.

49. I haven't cooked one decent thing this week!

50. I had my astrology chart done (interested parties, seek Andrea Janicki, she charges $15 and that's a steal!). It nailed me! I was flabbergasted with its accuracy, and I'm rather a skeptic!

51. My step dad authored a set of Civil War Trading Cards.

52. Famous people I have met: Kathy Mattea, Kenny Loggins, some Cleveland Browns football player whose name I can't recall...

53. I just had the selfish, evil thought that Katye's 100 things will be more interesting than mine.

54. If I can't get someone to come and install my cat door soon, I will go nuts.

55. Favorite meal-some kind of pasta, preferably creamy sauce, crisp green salad, red wine (or Luna di Luna), followed by chocolate cheesecake for dessert.

56. Jane magazine SUCKS! It's mean spirited (thanks, Katye), name droppy, snobby.

57. I only got sick from alcohol one time. That was enough. Bahama Mama Schnapps...baaaaaaaaad. Very sweet, very bad.

58. I'm a sucker for big, brown eyes. My kids both have the most captivatingly beautiful hazel eyes. Greyson's are browny green and Delaney's are greeny brown.

59. Once I watched two boys snort Vivarin, and later, cheese powder from a box of Kraft.

60. Nope, my name is actually spelled Kimberlee. I changed the i to a y when I was fourteen. My dad was all for letting me change it on my birth certificate, but I never got around to it.

61. While we are on the subject of names, I wish I still had McIntyre in my name. It's a cool name. I will tattoo it on me one of these days.

62. This blog is named after a Depeche Mode song.

63. I have three nephews and two nieces.

64. I used to be terrified of birds. I cured that fear when I was teaching fourth grade. We were on a field trip to an arboretum and one of the guides asked for a volunteer. I did, and had to hold an owl. Eeeeeeek!

65. I am having a damned hard time getting 100 things on here!

66. If I had one wish, I'd wish to go back in time to fix stupid things I've done.

67. I am a very, very defensive fighter.

68. I have the rest of my whole life planned out. I hope it works.

69. Favorite beer-Killian's.

70. Favorite mixed drink-amaretto sour. I can't drink sweet alcohol drinks.

71. Hey! I was born in 1971. The number one song that week was "Kiss an Angel Good Morning".

72. My favorite color is green.

73. We got married in a Lutheran church, and we are sooooooo not Lutheran it's not even funny.

74. Never planning to get married again, but if I do, it will not be in a church at all.

75. I hate winter so very, very badly that I would consider moving to someplace that doesn't have winter.

76. The first time I rode a horse, another horse started fighting with mine! Thought I was gonna die.

77. My diet used to look like this in college: Breakfast-nothing. Mid morning snack during class-snickers and coke. Lunch-maybe nothing. Fries? Fried cheese sticks. Dinner-taco bell? Something leftover? Macaroni and cheese? Ramen noodles? Go to game. After game, eat half of medium pizza. I weighed 112 pounds. How?

78. My spiritual life is lacking right now. I feel like poetry and music are the things sustaining my soul right now.

79. My favorite number is six.

80. I have names picked out for my next child, not that I am planning! I've probably posted them before, but here goes. Girl-Aubrey. Boy-Trevon.

81. My favorite lettuce is mesclun.

82. I wish I could go swim with dolphins someday.

83. I used to have nightmares for years about this one episode of Geraldo. Also used to have nightmares about this certain episode of Fantasy Island.

84. I plan to take my kids to the beach next year if I have to do it by myself.

85. Favorite gemstone-garnet or sapphire. Hell, I like lots of them.

86. I thought I would only have one child, but someone decided to be a nice surprise.

87. I really, really want to be in bed! I have to do class in the morning, dammit! Ummmmmmm....I'm a very creative cook.

88. I love so many flowers, it's really hard to pick. Right now I love my bergamot. Also I love deeply colored tulips.

89. My dad used to pick me up on a motorcycle from every activity I was in, every season. I had a windsuit and helmet. I used to sing really loudly on the back of the bike. My dad was the coolest ever. EVER!

90. I graduated in '90. We had the dumbest cheer ever. "We have corncobs up our hiney, we're the class of 1990." I didn't make that one up.

91. First concert ever-Kool and the Gang, Ohio State Fair. Last concert-FUEL!

92. I got married in '92. October tenth. A very pretty day.

93. I can still do the splits.

94. Hardest college class ever-physical geography or oceanography.

95. All I want is to do better. I hate it when I screw up, I never mean to. I am a mean fighter. What I should probably do is take a break and come back to talk later. I'm sorry if I hurt you.

96. If GWB wins, I swear I'm looking into Canadian immigration.

97. I'm reaching here. This is hard. Ummmmmmmm....my favorite movie is The Breakfast Club. A classic.

98. The year Delaney was born. And also I like toffee.

99. I am growing another wisdom tooth, after having all four cut out back in 1993. This is very, very rare.

100. YAY! I'm wearing blue sheepie pajamas. And going the hell to bed now. Thanks for reading my boring stuff.

guess what? poems

A Better Life
We want a better life
And so we try on new ones
We build makeshift rafts
To save us from drowning
In this ocean too deep for us

We cling to familiar limbs
Work, friends, distractions
They keep us afloat, yet not quite alive

We do want a better life
And so we claw with bloodied fingers
Sweaty backs
Dirty faces, tear stained

We do press on
The hardest work we've ever done
Harder still is yet to come

We want a better life
And so we struggle, birthing
From our old skins
Leaving behind a shell of humanity
And finding what is real

Untitled for now

Tears of guilt and pain
Erupt-lava from my
eyes-scorched with the
knowledge of my shortcomings
Human, human
Oh, too well I know
I had choices
All along I did
Fate did not carry me
Nor destiny hand me a black
Whipping stick
The choice I most regret
Is withholding my love

Fluffy

So, I had this huge, deep, metaphorical post to write about our intentions vs. our actions, but it's late. Really late.

Instead, I thought I'd post some of the off the wall, unique, fabulous and inspired pet names given to animals by my daddy and myself over the years.

Add yours, make me laugh!

*Muttley Crew This was my dad's dog, a sure mutt. I didn't even know my dad KNEW about Motley Crue. Muttley died right around the release of Girls, Girls, Girls, oddly enough.

*Bark Vader Another pet of Daddy's. Again, another unique funny name.

*Sigmund Pink Floyd This was the fattest, baddest cat ever. Named by my step dad and me, actually, ole Floydie was the top cat in the neighborhood.

*Scarlett O' Hamster THE most spoiled hamster ever. Had full hamster mansion. Had two differently colored roaming balls in case she got bored. Wasn't fed hamster food, no no. Was fed fresh fruits, veggies, and the occasional cut of fresh meat. We were suckers for that hamster. She belonged to Gene and I when we were first married.

* Malcom the X Dog Yup, another mutt of Dad's. He was all black. Does this surprise you? I think not.

*Hank N. Stein Weimeraners are big, floppy and dumb. Hank liked to smell butts. But he had a cool name. He belonged to mom and step dad, but Bek and I did help name him.

*Circe Tangerine Jacobs and*Sylvia Pansy Jacobs Our current kitties. Gene named Circe after the Greek goddess, daughter of sun and moon (right, Gene?) Tangerine comes because she was named Tangie before we got her.
Sylvia is named after Sylvia Plath, whom if you know me at all, you know my fascination. Pansy is what Delaney wanted to name her in the first place, but I talked her into having that as a middle name.

There, all you wanted to know about my pet naming habits.

POP!!!

What is that sound? Why, it's a potato exploding in your oven.

I am dying laughing at myself.

Sure does smell funny in here.

I rescind!

Was just reading back in my archives. In July of 2003 I claimed to have hated camping.

For the record? I LOVE CAMPING.

More on that later. For now I am sick and heart sick and all confused and also better than I have been in a year.

Grandma

My grandma has cancer all through her body. It isn't fair. Cancer isn't fair. She is a good, good woman.

Please send her your best thoughts and prayers.

Innocent

Some of my favorite lyrics from, of course, Fuel...

Innocent

Satan, you know where I lie
Gently I go into that good night
All our lives get complicated
Search for pleasures over rated
Never armed our souls
For what the future would hold
We were innocent

Angels, lend me your might
Forfeit all my lives to get just one right
All those colors long since faded
All our smiles are confiscated
Never were we told
We'd be bought and sold
When we were innocent

This prayer is for me tonight
This far down and still ain't got it right
And while confessions not yet stated
Our next sin is contemplated
Never did we know
What the future would hold
Or that we'd be bought and sold
When we were innocent
We were innocent

copyright Carl Bell of Fuel. 2000

My Daddy

had the best conversation with my Daddy tonight.

I was telling him about the possible separation/divorce/who knows what? And he told me this story.

He and my mom decided to divorce on December 3. They had agreed to both make lists of what they wanted. If the person had something on their list that they other didn't have, they automatically got it. If they both had the same thing on their list, they were going to work it out themselves and save themselves the lawyers' fees.

Mom gave Daddy her list first. She wanted the newer car, she wanted the washer and dryer, she wanted the bedroom set, etc. He said she could have it all.

Daddy's list had two items.

1. Kymberlee
2. Rebekka (my sister)

He told me that, and I sobbed and sobbed. I love my Daddy so much. He wanted me. My mom walked out of my life when I was ten and didn't come back for good until I was eighteen.

My daddy wanted me.

See? More pours forth!

I don't even expect comments or anyone to actually READ this stuff. Here goes! Damn, this is therapeutic.

The Lonely Man

How long did you cry silently
Until someone heard you?
I'm sorry that it wasn't me
I was crying, too.

Your body is bent
over your work
Your soft brown eyes
Hardened by
Too many years
Dogged

Hurt shows up in your voice.
You have no patience.

Hard words
and hard worlds
And the long held
Stupid lies you were taught
Raised male,
That you can't talk about it
And you certainly cannot cry.

Just cry, baby.
Be held by my arms.
I only care about your well being now.

If you stop learning
You stop living.
Your lesson is taking now.
Enough giving.
You're given out.

Greed and avarice, you say,
Are the sins of the world
The ruin of us all

I say that the ruins
Come from lacking
Lacking of trust and love
for you
From me
Did you in

If only I'd been
Better, stronger, less sickly
I could have cared more for you

I made you my nemesis
You really were my hero
You really, really were

How long
Is the statute of limitations
For apologies?

She writes a lot at night

Reader, be treated to the odd way I think at night. Once again, just snippets of a woman going slowly insane, it appears.

I Can't
I can't sit on the windowsill
And drink my coffee
I can't swing in the playground swings well after dark
I can't read for hours in the bathtub
I can't drive to the river and park and drink wine and write and cry
To do any of those things
Implies a life of leisure
Belies that I am mother

Read on for more...

Untitled because I am just coming up with it this very minute

I fell in love
with beauty.
I wanted to be her,
to hold her.
Ambitious and jealous
I coveted what I
believed she had.
All I found was fool's gold
and I cried the
bitter, jaded tears of ignorance and shame.
Defeat.

I fell in love with passion
but did not covet.
I learned to know her
Became
became...
Belief comes from faith
versus knowledge.
Passion is my mistress
My fortress
My home

Watch out. There might be more, I'm feeling saucy.

Poetry season again

Once again, my caveat: I don't edit, I don't work on words, this is just how things come out.

Read on, buyer beware!

Near Miss

I Am
Teacups tipping
Tables crashing
Never answered
Two ships passing
Clocks not chiming
Bells not pealing
Church too early
Rotten timing
Too early for me
Too late for you
We missed the boat
Like lovers do

You Are
Too far brilliant
Too far broken
Glass shards slicing
Less words spoken
Meter running
Bride not ready
Two gangs gunning
Lies so petty
Too early for me
Too late for you
We missed the boat
Like lovers do

Where do we crash now
Here in the storm?
Two lost souls
Searching for someplace warm...

We Are
Two boats rowing
Separate Sailing
Raining, Lightning,
Storming, Hailing
Two friends reaching
Opposite shores
Two lovers in a
Lonely War
Too early for me
Too late for you
We missed our time
And I
Will
Always
Miss
You

On Tuesday
On Tuesday
It rained and I buried some old memories
Finally placing to rest
Some enemies from the past.
Grimacing, I closed the door on you.
Finally.
I know you will come knocking again
But on Tuesday,
I knew I didn't have to answer your calls anymore.
On Tuesday,
Somehow it all made sense
After a lifetime of dodging shadows
Expecting monsters,
It ended, just like that.
I took my strong bristled broom
And I swept your filth
Out the door.

Thirty Two

She smiles
Glosses on the rosy shine
Eyes bright and not yet faded
She turned her life at thirty two
Listened for the sound of angels
Calling her to the dreams
She'd once believed were all dreamt

She looks into the glass
The girl looks back
And turns her back
The woman who now stands there
Is a stronger self
Forged lean and hungry on hardships
Now steely
Ready for art, passion, music
Life
And Love

She had to take
Now she can give
Hasn't missed her chance to live
At thirty two
She sees the light
And realizes all the while
It shone bright

She just had to believe

It's not too late

So, I got a different result...

...but this was my favorite. I am dying! Go take the quiz! I was actually Forget-me-not, but that one was too boring.

I'm Basil. I must be a hateful person, because basil is symbolic of hatred. Well f%$^ off, f-ck you, and f&&& off. I'm a cantankerous son of a bitch and my hate has STAMINA. I do not forget slights, so stay off my shitlist if you know what's good for you. F$#& off!. What bloom are you? by Polly_Snodgrass

KATYE ROCKS!

She took over 1000 cruddy ole comments and narrowed them down to 368! HOORAY! I will endeavor to stop peppering my blog titles with colorful words.

That will be hard. I have a mouth like a _______

THANK YOU DARLIN'!

poem for delaney

***NOTE!** I am no poet, I just throw down. No editing. No careful planning. I want to be real, someday, but for now I'm content to be velveteen. I just need this release.

You have long told me your sorrows in silence
Little woman-child
Growing pains
My sorrow couldn't measure up to your fears
Little warrior woman
You will forge your armour from the fire of your feelings
Strong girls DO
Anger is right for you
And all of your pain
I cannot erase
But your chains I can carry
Scar my heart with your weapon
Where the scar grows
A soft place forms
Softened by time
And by circumstance
And by growing
And make us both stronger
Perhaps the battle will leave you feeling wronged by me
I never want to wrong you
But how can you fly
If you never wish to leave your nest?
In another reality, have you died?
Have you left me, and have I pleaded
With my Gods to bring you back?
And is it impossible to bring one back
Unchanged?
It's not about me
It is about your journey
And with time
Circumstance
And growing
And pain
You build the fortress of womanhood