Thanks, Management. (Formerly Talktalk}

Whatta ya do with an extra hour?

You blog, of course!

Here is what I accomplished today (yesterday, but I'm still awake, so it feels like today)

*Sleeping in an extra hour

*Going door to door for Move On

*Calling more than a hundred numbers for Move On

*Ordering out lunch!

*Buying birthday present for seven year old girlfriend of Delaney

*Attending an hour of aforementioned girl's seventh birthday party

*Helping friend move, watching several children while friend did some moving

*Bathing some terribly muddy kids

*Going out for a bit of social time myself.

Am so tired, but cannot sleep at all.

Read extended entry for more personal, private shit. LOL.

I adore ADORE music. Nothing like it for me. Recently, I've discovered a few bands that are making me so happy.

Switchfoot and Dashboard Confessional top the list, but I also have rekindled my love affair withREM and the Goo Goo Dolls (Johnny....mmmmmmmmmm) and I also dig me some Audioslave, Flaming Lips, I could go on. Getting into a new group or new genre gets me all exhilarated.

I have written so much that I've filled up another notebook. I'm learning to rework my material, instead of just throwing down whatever comes to mind. Maybe I will be a real poet in my fifties.

I'm falling in love. All the while,I'm grieving that my marriage is over. I'm seeing how it was sick for a long time, too long, and nobody could make it live anymore. I'm losing my Grandma. I'm going back to a job in a field where I'm not good. I'm rethinking tons of things, one of which is my continuation with homeschooling Delaney.

I'm loving me, I'm loving the world, I'm enjoying every moment with my kids. They are fabulous, special, fascinating little creatures.

Praying for election day

I do believe that this can happen. I am praying that it will turn out as it is supposed to. I am feeling more hopeful by the day. I've seen more Kerry signs pop up here and there. I see people getting active, involved, passionate. This CAN happen. We can win!!

Hangin' out wit 'da Pubs

Whew. I'm exhausted. It's not that I spent the day at an amusement park in the rain. It's not that I have a terrible head cold. It's not even that I didn't get to sleep until after midnight, and that sleep was punctuated by several kicks in the head from my two year old soccer star.

No. I'm exhausted mentally because I spent my entire day with the most Conservative, right wing, Fundamentalist Christians that I personally know. My family.

{Author's note to co-blogger kmr: I swear I was going to blog about this before I read your entry. I love you!}

We started the day with a plea from me not to talk politics. My dad said, "We can limit it". Suuuure. He's incapable. He can turn anything into a talk about conservatism vs. liberalism better than a horny teenager can pick up on sexual innuendo. Not only does the man argue long, loud, and relentlessly, he begins the argument with such fallacy that you have to disprove him of the first mistake before you can even defend your position.

For instance, yesterday he said something to this effect. "The ACLU wants to take Christian rights away. How do you defend this organization that the Democrats love? The same Democrats that are always screaming about our rights?"

Here was another gem: "Since the liberals are always so worried about human rights in other countries, why aren't they supporting the war in Iraq? There is no other country I can think of with worse human rights issues?"

Do you all see what I'm working with here?

Then there was the issue of my two nieces, aged 12 and 15. One was wearing a shirt that said, in essence, "Learn English or Go Home!"

The other, a T shirt that said "Protect Marriage".

Aieeeeeeeeeee. I could go on and on and onandonandonnnn about how wrong I think this is. They are big girls, and have the right to wear whatever slogan on their shirt they choose, but I just don't know that they are CHOOSING it, or being brainwashed by the church. Huge issues THERE for me, if anyone knows my story.

All day, at different points in the day, my dad tried to engage me in debates. At one point, my younger niece said that she was scared for me that if I was a Democrat that I wasn't right with God. Those are not the words of a sweet twelve year old girl. Those are the words of angry, narrow-minded adults around her. Those are the words of an Appalachian Nazarene preacher, red faced and screaming from the pulpit.

Mental. Exhaustion.

I didn't try

I have been reading at an open mic poetry group for about a month. I think my stuff is on the level with most of the poets there, though not the best few. I can stand my ground.

Except.

I don't read well. I don't "perform", which surprises me. I've always been able to perform well. I really suck.

Anyway, the qualifying rounds for the Columbus team were last night. All you had to do to get on the support team was participate in the slam. Not win it, just try.

I didn't try. I read at open mic, and did poorly, and I didn't even try.

Ugh.

Rebekka

Today is your birthday. I remember when our Daddy came home from the hospital to pick me up from Grandma's, alone. He told me that you were born, that I had a sister. "Her name is Amber," he said. I told him that no, it was Bekka. So Rebekka it was, and when you came home eleven days later, scrawny but feisty, I hated you and was fascinated with you all the same. I believed that you might grow claws and hang them outside your bassinet, just like a movie commercial of the time. I worried that you'd keep crying that loud newborn cry forever. I fretted that you'd take my parents away from me.

None of these things happened, of course. What happened was, we were sisters in love and war. I was so very jealous of you sometimes, because you were the child of Dad's heart. I was so very annoyed with you often, because you made me late to everything, made me have a tag-along, made me so enraged. And also, I loved you tenderly, almost as a mother when our own mother had to leave for awhile.

Now that we are older, and are both mothers, I appreciate you like never before. I hope your day is absolutely magical. I couldn't do without your gentle heart, and I wouldn't want to try.

I love you, Bekkers.

~Kymmers~

But I don't like the fair!

I had the best time at our county fair with my kiddos today! We all met up and saw every animal the fair had to offer. That was maybe my favorite part, watching my kids pet the animals. The horse barns were especially magical for my kids, who have fallen in love with horses recently.

Then, when I was getting a bit restless and growing tired of hearing "When can we ride the Farris Wheel?", I broke off from the group and went to take my kids to ride. That was especially fun, too.

I can't believe it, but I enjoyed the fair today. My kids both said "That was fun!" and "Thanks for taking us to that great fair!" Hip hooray!

Haven't watched it yet

But I plan to, soon.

Michael Moore's Fahrenheit 9/11 is out at the video stores, and though I've been warned that it's too scary for me, I am going to give it a try.

If it tells me anything new about GWB's ignorance, stubbornness, ties to the Saudi oil families, xenophobia, ignorance of the fact that there is another viewpoint in this country, and that viewpoint is held by an overwhelming mass of people and not a focus group, fundamental Conservative Christianity, and general disregard for all humans not white and wealthy, I will maybe vomit.

What is love, anyway?

Not talking about the kind of love you feel for your children, your family, your friends, your pets, humanity in general, or dark chocolate. Talking about that "in love" feeling. That rush of emotion that is so powerful that it can force you to do things you'd not, normally. That high feeling that can leave you either sick, weak, and sleepless or so full of energy and goodwill for the world that you could seriously try to move a mountain?

It's so real, yet I feel quite skeptical of its origins. I don't know if romantic love is genuine. I wonder if it is based on sexual attraction and loneliness.

I have always believed in love and romance. Now, I believe in practicality and caution. It just hit me in the face today as I sat across from the man I once loved so passionately, and now barely recognize. "In love" is just a fleeting fantasy. It's the real stuff that lasts.

I am never going there again.

Always a beautiful day

Today is October tenth, a day which I can attest has been beautiful for the past twelve years, save one grey day back in '96 or '97. Today is no exception. The air is crisp, the sky is blue, the trees are beginning their peak.

Today is our 12th wedding anniversary. We are going to have a family day early, and some us time later on.

There have been just as many good years as bad. I plan to focus on that today.

Jazzy turns pundit

Here, folks, is my liberalized take on the debates.

Charlie Gibson was a terrific moderator. I loved how he kept razzing both candidates to tell them how they'd really cut the deficit in half by four years. Go Charlie!

However, let's talk about the candidates and their performances.

Raise your hand if you saw GW jump out of his chair and throw a little temper tantrum? Charlie looked like he wanted to say "Sit down and shut up, Shrub", but he has too much class.

I liked how John Kerry answered the people, looked at them, and called them by name. I liked how he actually stayed on topic. I liked how he thanked the moderator and said something respectful to his opponent.

Bush did none of these things. His answers were all about "Here's what I've done, my opponent doesn't want these things". He didn't call anyone by name as I can recall, and his answers went all over the place, and were choppy.

John Kerry had an even tempered expression; Bush looked shifty and agitated. Kerry answered in a firm but respectful tone; Bush often sounded angry and hostile.

Did anyone notice that Bush seemed to forget that he owned part of a timber company?? Anyone?

When the woman asked him to specifically name three mistakes he has made and how he rectified them, all he could do is say that some of his people weren't doing the job he had expected them to? In other words, NOTHING is his fault? I hate it when someone can't take their medicine.

In my opinion, Bush sees the world in black and white. In my world, there are exceptions and shades of grey. You don't just decide that someone is "evil" and go invade them. You don't just decide that abortion is wrong, therefore start legislating the hell out of it. His answers to questions regarding these matters show what a fundamentalist extremist he truly is.

And his lack of speaking skills (and lack of intelligence) showed several times: calling John Kerry "ma'am", saying things like "uhh...rumors on the...internets", and "I will increase wetlands by three million". Three million WHAT? Megabushquarks?

My favorite thing about the debates was the fact that the Americans represented asked good, thought provoking, HARD HITTING questions.

Winner? Kerry, by a landslide. Just like in November, baby!!!

Go Kerry, Go Kerry...

That's all...just GO baby. Tell it like it is! Whoop whoop!

Just for the record

Just for the record, my husband did right by me for most of the years of our marriage. And just for the record, I think I was a pretty good wife, too. Just so you know, our decisions aren't made on the fly. I have been thinking of little else lately. Also, I am trying, in my own time, to do what is RIGHT and not just what I want on a whim.
Just for the record, I have loved the man for a long, long time, and I don't think he is crazy or a bad person. I do not think we are super compatible, but that doesn't mean I don't think we can't work things out.
For the record, this is our marriage, and the future of our children's lives. That takes precedence over any thing else for me.
But also note that neither one of us can live like we've lived for the last two years plus and survive.
I am doing the best I can. Just so you know. Just for the record.

poem IN PROGRESS

Here is your feather-nest
Take your respite, build your strength
For all too soon
Summer will grow ice fingers
Bone skinny
Cold
Fooling you with uncertain remembrances
Did you ever have a home?
Was your faith ever easy?
You will walk some miles alone
Harrowing heart-steps away from
Anything
Everything
You ever found familiar
Hacking through the best comforts
Pouring tea with the worst demons
Slamming shots with
All the things you hate in yourself
The withered, fermented truths
You'd most like to bury
Like zombies they come
Black rimmed eyes and gaping mouths
Stiffly advancing toward you
Devouring your facades with crumbling
Crusts at the mouth
Shake hands with it, reconcile
I'll take my chances

There is more, this is my beginning...I should prob. get some real notebooks, eh? LOL.

Red...yep, pretty much so...

You are the color red. You are the most
controversial of all the colors. You are often
easily angered, but as easily as you got
excited, you come down. When angered, do you
have the tendency to be malicious? Afterwards,
do you end up begging for forgiveness? Maybe.
But you're incredibly generous, and, odd
enough, needy. You love to hate, and
sometimes, you hate to love. This color
describes you as generally edgy. When in a bad
situation, you're pessimistic, and when you're
in a good situation, you're extremely
optimistic. You're painfully tempermental, and
sometimes it hurts the ones you love. But with
an exciting and stimulating attitude, you enjoy
talking to people and being social. But aside
from your bold and outgoing attitude, you're
attention-needing and attention-getting. This
color is associated with lust and desire--and
you are both lust and desirous. You're a
protective person when it comes to the people
you love. You're incredibly sharp-witted and
powerful (not to mention intelligent!).


What color are you? (Amazingly detailed & accurate--with pics!)
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