I always have.
I've been very obsessed lately about what is the right path, if there is even one "right path". I have felt a great need to seek the inner wisdom I lack, but I am not sure where to begin on that journey. I feel like I need to go on some kind of good works doing, self denying, mantra repeating mission until I recieve some sort of enlightenment.
Have you ever read Franny and Zooey, the part where Franny is repeating the Jesus prayer over and over to herself? (I just dug that book out of my box just so I could read that part again, because this is where my head is). Right now, Franny makes a lot of sense to me.
There has to be some point. There has to be some higher consciousness. No matter how horrible humans seem to be, we're all we've got, and I need to find the compassion for humanity again.
Easy to comprehend, not so easy to implement.
Eat less. Portion sizes are out of control these days!
Don't absent-mindedly snack. You really don't need ten chocolate chips as you pass the pantry, a handful of cereal while waiting on hold on the phone, the rest of your son's fries. You really don't even want these things. Once you get used to it, it will be easy.
Move that body. You need to sustain a good heart rate for at least 30 minutes, three or four (or more!) times a week. Walking outside or chasing the kids is good, but that ain't the same as working your heart. Also, getting your muscles in good lean shape helps your metabolism.
Cut down on the junk, load up on the health foods.
Drink more water. Water is a great fat flusher.
Now, isn't that simple? Wish it were as simple to do. Oh, I've done it. I've done it and I will do it again, because it is Spring, and time for me to get back on the wagon after a particularly bad winter physically for me. I wish it were as easy as it sounds.
Not even when I weighed 102 pounds was it easy, though. As a matter of fact, weighing 102 pounds took a hell of a lot of maintenance and thinking about every infintessimal thing that entered my mouth. I exercised at least 2 hours a day, but often up to six. I constantly did muscle contractions, jumped up and down when not otherwise engaged. I was a mess. Once, I was working a bake sale for my honor society at college, and I broke down and ate a pumpkin bar. I ran stairs for over an hour to get rid of the calories from that.
Digression!
Anyway, I must get back on the bandwagon. I know I will feel better for it. In the mean time, I want some coconut chunk ice cream.
My dad keeps sending me his political propaganda emails. Sigh. I usually just delete them. Today, I must have been in the wrong mood.
Today's email was all about how if only we allowed prayer in schools, we wouldn't have school shootings. The email reads as a letter to God signed A Concerned Student. Read on for my reply.
Dear Concerned Student,
If you want to pray in school, please feel free to have your parents enroll you at a private parochial school. That's TOTALLY allowed! It's such a wonderful country, founded on freedom of religion which includes freedom to NOT practice religion, or to keep it privately, or to not practice the sect of religion of whomever happens to be teaching your grade that year. Hallelujah!
Oh, and by the way...the school shooting at Kentucky a few years ago was done at a school where there were several student prayer groups. I wonder why God didn't choose to save those students?
Oh yes. I believe it is because God gave free will to the people. That shooter had free will. He wasn't acting out because he didn't grow up having teacher-led prayer in school. I don't think that God punishes innocent school children because the law says that prayer in school is unconstitutional. I wouldn't want to serve a vengeful God like that.
Take care,
Your Liberal American Daughter
Here it is april. I thought I should blog today to get that last negative entry off the page.
I've been worried about my lack of news-watching lately. Its like I had all I could take this fall and winter and went into new hibernation.
I went to Ohio University twice in the last few weeks, and I am humbled and embarrassed that I am not out there anymore, not doing anything to change anything.
It's easy to be complacent and relax when you're white and have enough. Really. And when I think about what a poseur I am, I am ashamed.
I want to be in the world. I want to make some corner of the world better. I want to be the agent of change I always dreamed of being. But I feel I am stuck somewhere in between. Where do I go, what do I do?
Just sitting around bitching does nothing.