I taste like
Red hot cherry mercury pops that
Drop down your throat
An acid burn followed by
Sweet
I warm you, liquefy you
Like wine
{Author's note: I had more, but just now trashed it. }
More later.
I don't know...I don't feel worthy, or something. I always think I am begging to be needed, and not really needed at all.
This is just something that I think from time to time. Of course my love for Delaney and Greyson is important. They are my life. But sometimes I just think that relationships...romantic ones...are just frivolous. I feel guilty for letting myself enjoy it. I keep trying to talk myself out of it. It seems self-indulgent to feel this good. Does this make any damn sense?
Isn't romance and falling in love selfish? Doesn't it detract from the real stuff in life, or am I purely insane today?
I really, really want to quit working at the restaurant. I could sub about four to five days a month and make plenty. If only I had someplace for Delaney to go before and after school. Plus a way to get there if I did sub.
I have to give all of my weekends to the Olive Garden, and it is getting old. Gene has the kids, but he has no free time on weekends, and I have very little free time period, because I am either working at that place, or feeling guilty for being away from my kids any more than I actually am.
Next Sunday, I have to go in at 8:00 a.m. and roll silverware for about 6 or 7 hours. Maybe 8. I am doing it because one of my co-workers who usually rolls is having back trouble and it bothers her to stand still for that long every freakin' Sunday. So I felt bad. But I am dreading that shift soooo much.
The job I usually do, hosting, is really the cake-easiest job on the planet. Here are the things getting on my nerves about it all, though.
*As I mentioned, the weekends. I have no life from Friday night on!
* The kids. Most of them are really great. But some of them...well...they aren't grown yet, so I can forgive them. Ack, now I sound like I don't like young kids. I do. It's just...I can't explain.
* One of the bosses is just not fair. She plays favorites, and she wants to be in the "cool kids' clique". Yucky.
* The hours are tough for me to work anytime but weekends, because shifts are either until 4, and I have to pick up Delaney by 3:30, or they start at 4, giving me NO face time with Delaney whatsoever.
I could go on. But I'm too freakin' tired. So goodnight!
Monologues? Please tell me one of you girls has it? And my Cunt?
I think I have a few other books out there. Bird by Bird? Hmm. Just checkin. More bloggin' later. Am having weird night!
I really need to update my list of books I'm reading.
I just finished Outlander, by Diana Gabaldon.
Spoiler alert!
It was a definite page turner, and I DID enjoy reading it. But parts of it were so disturbing!
Most bothersome to me was the part where Jamie not only beat the hell out of Claire, but admitted to enjoying it. And Claire almost enjoyed it. And she never fell out of love with him. I just can't get behind that at all. I can understand liking some rough stuff, but that was just over the top.
Next was the man-rape AND the subsequent reliving of the event. Diana Gabaldon is an S&M girl, I'd say. Not that there's anything wrong with that, it's just not my cuppa.
Some things I also found improbable, but you gotta suspend reality a little bit when the premise of the book is a woman falling throught a damned stone.
HOWEVER! Lest ye think I hated the book, I did not.
The adventure was awesome, and I loved that Claire was an ass-kicker. I loved the Scottish accents, which I could hear in my head even if I canna speak it (tee hee). And I loooooved the love story minus the beatings.
I could read the sweet love scenes and the steamy sex scenes quite a few more times before I tired of them. The love between the two main characters truly reminds me of the precious love I have now. I am so lucky to have someone who is that open and laid bare for me. The sweetness, the wanting, the adoration...it's all mine. And it made me love the book all the more.
Sigh....
Today, I had a one hour break from work. In that time, I had to get food and feed a friend's cats. I had less than $3. I drove through Taco Hell and ran over to Melanie's to feed the cats, which I have done plenty of times.
I put in the security code, but when I went from the garage to the actual house, the alarm went off. So, I went back and hit the code again, and the alarm stopped. Yet, when I opened the door to go back in again, the alarm went back off. So, I called Melanie and re-enetered it AGAIN with the door open. She said that she didn't know why it happened, but not to worry. Oh, and how long did the alarm go off, she asked. I said that I thought maybe 30 seconds. She said that if the phone rang at her house that it might be the security company, and told me the password. Cool.
So, I fed the kitties, washed my hands, and sat down at her table to gulp down my one taco supreme. There came a knock at the door. I went to see who it was.
Guess who? Two police officers. Shit. When I went out, I could hear the one officer running my license plates. I opened the door and greeted them. They asked me what was going on, and I explained. I gave them Melanie's cell number and they had their dispatch call Melanie all the way in Cleveland. She confirmed, and they laughed and told me goodbye.
So, now I have about 20 minutes until I get back to work. I'm wicked hungry. Back to the taco!
Nope. The freakin' CATS ate the taco!!
What a day!! LOL!
p.s. I told my boss this story when I got back to work, and she let me go eat soup for free.
I gotta say, I still work best under pressure. As of nine p.m. Wednesday night (the night before my hip hop class was to begin), I had seven out of fifteen songs choreographed. My sister and I worked from 9:30-12:30 a.m. making up and perfecting routines. Bek did NOT let me relax either. She pushed me and made SURE that things looked perfect.
The night of the class, I was already sore from having danced like a fool for three hours. Also, I was nervous! But as soon as the first beat of music came on, *I* was on, and the class was excellent, if I may say so myself.
Bek driving all the way down meant a lot to me, too.
YEAH!! I am so relieved.
In case anyone read the last entry, I realized that I kind of stole the thunder for it from my friend Louise. It was all true, mind you, but Louise wrote it first.
more later, gotta work.