My son misses his daddy. Every day. And it breaks my heart to see his four year old self struggling with the anguish of not being able to spend every night with his father. I will take all of his anger and rage. I won't let him hurt or disrespect me-that's not what I mean. But if I need to be the parent who cushions the fall, who is the crashing place, then I can be.
The boy is four, but his feelings run deep and passionate. This I can understand. I'll never tell him not to show me those feelings. I will only try to guide him as to how to let those feelings out. (I am a strong believer that if they don't come out, they'll internalize. BAD!)
I love this boy, and once, I loved his dad. I only wish that I could work with his daddy a little better-but that's not in my control. I can only be the very best mom *I* can be.
Oh Greyson, my passionate, fiery tempered, hard headed Scottish son. Let your feelings out-cry-scream. Mama can handle it.
Could it be just that-the reason that I'm so happy in the spring and summer and early fall, and then by the time Christmas hits, I want to off myself?
I am getting TONS done, even with extra kids around. Also, I am surprised to find how easy it is to have these extra kids. That is, except for between the hours of 4-6. The witching hour, Diana calls it. She's right. I'd rather be with witches than the kids around those times.
Digress check!
Anyway, I am enjoying every minute of the summer. I am outside a lot, playing games with the kids outdoors. Long walks, sitting on the porch at sunset, taking bike rides, and tonight-camping.
My house is clean and pretty well-organized. There are things I want to do, of course, but I am not feeling horribly overwhelmed with work.
I'm happy. Inside happy. I am writing this all down so I can look at it again and remember about the light when its dark.
I can't get rested. I'm livin' too hard, people! I can't keep up with any of my youngn's, including the 31 year old hottie.
I'm not REALLY complaining.
Delaney had this very long and involved dream. She told me about it, and it reminded me of dreams I used to have when I was young. Just so much detail and vividness.
I need to eat or something.
Isn't it wonderful? Thank you, Katye, for fixing it up for me. It's so summery and happy! I think it goes perfectly with my newfound supercheer.
I am so damn happy lately I don't know what to do with myself. I am all but done with finals, and I will have a ton of time to get things DONE around whichever house I will call my home. I need to have the big one with the man. If he wants me to be there, I need to know that he means it down in his soul. Because if he doesn't, that's fine, but I can not live in transition world any more. I am SO ready to start LIVING again.
I have thoroughly enjoyed my literature class. It's been one of my favorites of my entire college career. All that reading and writing made me happyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
I am feeling super productive, so while the kids lounge on the sofa (they've been outside ALL day!), I will go and do some housework.
Ta-ta!
Kym