Love & a Steady Hand

My Kids are Slobs

I wonder why.

I came very very close to beating the hell out of Matthew tonight. I was so angry I literally could not touch him for fear of sending him to the emergency room.

Tomorrow is the first day of summer vacation for kids. But not for teachers yet. So we are going to have a very fun day with Delaney and Grey and Mara and Matty and we are going to do all sorts of cool stuff.

But first we needed to tidy up so there would be a place to play. And nobody wanted to help. Oh sure, Mara helped some. She always does. But the amount of not helping that Matthew was doing pretty much counteracted any positive impact Mara and I were having on the mess. And I was suddenly just furious.

Livid.

Ready to kill.

I didn't. The playroom is still a disaster. Matthew is on no dessert for the weekend. I don't know what to do about the problem, but please don't give me any suggestions. I can't handle them right now.

Another quiz result

Which Jane Austen heroine are you?

You are Elizabeth Bennet from Pride and Prejudice! You are intelligent and vivacious. You possess an affectionate heart and a lively, playful disposition which delights in anything ridiculous. Thus, you cannot easily be offended. You have pleasure in many things, but particularly enjoy reading and taking walks in the fresh air. Your only fault is your tendency to judge people by their first impression. Hence, you may have fallen in love, before you have even notice it: ~It has been coming on so gradually, that I hardly know when it began.~
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Argh!

I've been working really hard for the past week or so. Yesterday I was in the basement for about seven hours, working steadily. Tim's folks had the kids in the afternoon. After he was done with graduation, Tim took them to Gene's to play with D&G for most of the evening.

When they got home (at around 9:30 p.m.) I was still downstairs. Mara says, "What are you doing down there"
"I'm cleaning up the basement."
"But why aren't you cleaning up the upstairs part that people will see when they come to look at the house?"

Why indeed? Look further and it will be revealed (Note: these were taken about two weeks ago, not yesterday):

This is what I'm up against:

Buzz Kill

All the crying over Mr. R. leaving is starting to make me tired. I feel like I just ran over Lancaster's puppy.

This was not at all surprising!

Your Score: Katharine Hepburn
You scored 9% grit, 52% wit, 38% flair, and 9% class!

You are the fabulously quirky and independent woman of character. You go your own way, follow your own drummer, take your own lead. You stand head and shoulders next to your partner, but you are perfectly willing and able to stand alone. Others might be more classically beautiful or conventionally woman-like, but you possess a more fundamental common sense and off-kilter charm, making interesting men fall at your feet. You can pick them up or leave them there as you see fit. You share the screen with the likes of Spencer Tracy and Cary Grant, thinking men who like strong women.

It's the middle of the week

and as promised, we have news.

We got the jobs. We're moving to Nashvegas!

I have a lot to do here. Who's coming to help?

It just seemed appropriate somehow

with my thanks to Paul Simon I give you the following:

Yesterday it was my birthday
I hung one more year on the line
I should be depressed
My life's a mess
But I'm having a good time

Oo, I've been loving and loving and loving
I'm exhausted from loving so well
I should go to bed
But a voice in my head
Says "Ah, what the hell"

Have a good time
Have a good time

I did have a good time, actually. We did yard work. I mowed the grass, front and back -- diagonally no less, it looks so cool. Tim pulled all the thistles for me (I don't care that the goldfinches like them, they are prickly and ugly). Tim and I trimmed the bushes, front and back -- Tim did the high part so I could still have it high, and he hates the hedge clippers really a lot. The kids and I mulched beds and planted some impatiens and watered. There was other stuff, but essentially it was yard work and I was happy about it.

Today was somewhat less terrific. But yesterday was groovy. And I am 38.

But we won't hear anything about job stuff until middle of next week.

Not good at waiting

I really am not good at this. And I am completely frustrated by the "there's so much to do but I'm either not at all motivated, or I'm completely motivated but can't find kid-free time to get it done" thing in my life right now.

Matthew and Greyson were very cooperative this morning after school. They were playing Legos and then Candyland in the kids' bedroom while I sorted through the stack of clothes on top of dressers. I got the winter things that will probably fit in the fall sorted and folded in tubs. I got the things that are already too small or that probably won't fit in the fall separated out. I got the two laundry baskets of "what the hell are these things" sorted through. But then it was feeling hot in their room so I went to open the window and the roll-up shade fell down and hit me right on the bridge of my nose.

It is not broken. It hurts like hell, but it is not broken.

But now I don't feel like doing anything. And they want lunch. Which is a fairly reasonable request at 1:30. And did I mention that I don't feel like doing anything? Including fixing lunch?

They're eating sandwiches and spiderman cheese-its and watching SpongeBob. That's all I could manage. My nose hurts.

I am not getting anything done. I hate that.

Interview Day

Well, that's over.

Actually, it went very well. I got to the school early (I drove my mom in and she needs to be there before 7:30) and so I was right on time at my first meeting. That was great -- we talked about grammar! Then we toured around the building, then my second meeting with the head of the school. He was lovely. Then I talked with the current folks in the seventh grade English position and that was nice. There are two women sharing the job now, but both are leaving to be at home moms. That felt nicely circular.

Then I taught the sixth graders, which was great fun! They are so smart and interested and funny. I thought it went very well. I had some glitches, but I think I handled them adequately and the kids were amused by the lesson. I'm not sure they learned anything, but they were amused.

Then I wandered the halls for a bit, peeking in classrooms and sitting in on some classes. Then I had lunch with the director of outdoor recreation, which was fun and tasty. We had special "teacher pizza" and talked about The Last Child in the Woods.

Then I went to the seventh grade team meeting and got grilled like a hamburger. But it went okay I think. There was only one teacher I really couldn't read, but she's apparently like that all the time and it wasn't just me. They asked some very hard questions. I probably made enormous mistakes.

Then I talked with the assistant head of middle school and the middle school counselor and admissions folks and then back to the head of the middle school and I was done. But at that point I couldn't remember what I had said to anyone in the process of the day.

Doesn't sound like much does it? I'm not doing the experience justice at all, because it was really amazing. The middle school is beautiful. The kids are funny and smart and they want to learn. The potential colleagues are fun and interested in learning too. I felt so at home -- so in the right place to do the right kinds of things. I felt like I belonged and like I could do the job. But from here, I'm not so sure. It's hard to believe it really happened. My coach has turned into a pumpkin again...

They should be making decisions around the end of this week, beginning of next week. So we'll see. I'll keep you posted!

Busy beginning

I have nothing else much to blog about, but I figured I better blog about something since I've got all of ya'll looking at the blog these days. So, here is an update:

I have my lesson plan all ready -- the rising 8th graders (the ones who are still seventh graders until next week) have a very busy week planned, so instead I'll be teaching the rising 7th graders (the kids I will have if I get the job). So I decided to save the adjective lesson for in case I am hired, and instead I am doing an active descriptive verb lesson. Tim and I talked it over last night and he saw all the things I had been seeing in it, so I feel comfortable about that.

I have my outfit all ready -- still debating shoes, but I'll talk about that another time, probably after the day is over. I'm comfortable with the dress and feel good about that, but the shoes are still nagging.

I have the admissions paperwork completed for Matthew. His teachers gave it back to me this morning. Mara's should come home after school today. That felt a little silly, but why not have the hoop already jumped through, just in case...

I need to do baskets and baskets of laundry. After I re-wash the towels that are in there now (that I forgot about on Saturday). The kids have no clothes to wear. Almost literally. No late-spring clothes anyway. Plenty of turtlenecks though!

I also need to clean up the kitchen, the dining room and the living room. Today. Yes, these things are absolutely necessary before I head out. I'm not really telling you, I'm actually reminding me.

But here's what I've done today:

Got up, gathered laundry in bathroom, took my shower, got the kids breakfasted, got them shoed up and ready to go. Took them all to school.

Came back here and edged and mowed the grass -- front and back -- and swept the sidewalks. Cleaned out the underside of the mower and put it away.

Went to get the boys, stopping on the way to drop off recycling at the recycling station and a load of toys at Goodwill. Picked up the boys, remembered to tell their teachers they wouldn't be there on Friday.

Dropped off paper recycling. That goes someplace else.

Went to Grammy & Popo's house to pick up the mail and newspapers. Sorted all that. Gathered up the boys again.

Came back here, took out some basement trash.

Now I am blogging and in just a minute I will feed the boys. (Tuppence a bag).

No wonder I'm tired!

Second Thoughts

Hey, yall! I had no idea so many folks were reading and having good thoughts for me. I am so grateful for your support!

Since I last wrote I've had my conversation with the English department head. She was lovely. Our talk was lovely. I think I comported myself well enough -- there weren't any stunned silences anyway and I made her laugh a couple of times, which seemed positive.

I've talked with my sister, who is not my official therapist, but who is often on-call for me, which helps. Her advice was to go tour the places I was worried about -- the childcare and school places in particular -- and see if I got a better feel from that. So I'm going to do that next week when I'm in town.

And I did some more web looking and found some apartments that had been hiding, which are closer to better schools (with before and after school programs), and maybe even affordable. I'll try to look at them next week too.

And I talked again with the Middle School head, who is also lovely and I have a tour of campus and meetings with the 7th grade team and I get to teach a lesson (probably about adjectives)-- all on Friday of next week.

So today I took a couple of buddies and went shopping. I went for an outfit to wear to the interview and came home with a complete teacher wardrobe.

All in all, I think I'm feeling better about things. I hope I haven't jinxed myself by buying the clothes, but my birthday is coming up (which will fund the clothes) and I really have nothing but jeans and t-shirts in my wardrobe right now, so I'm gonna need something to wear in any job I do. I'll be SOL when I end up working at Target, since I did not buy a single pair of khaki pants and no red tops, but everything I did buy is returnable, so I'm hoping it's okay.

Mom, stop finding houses in walking distance from you! Hmmm, on second thought, go ahead and look. I don't have to buy them after all...

Keep your fingers crossed -- I'm so not sure what's coming next!

Moving on

I am really struggling this week.

Last week was hard, because I had lots to do before my family came and I knew I wasn't ready. I also had concerns about Matthew's birthday gifts and whether I had gotten him the right things. All of that worked out fine. Tim helped with getting things ready around the house and Matthew is generally not a greedy grabby kid., so he was pretty happy with his presents and his cake. He did spend a day or two lamenting the lack of a super hero action figure, but that passed quickly enough and he's back to playing trains and marble rolling track.

I know that some of what I'm feeling is just natural let-down from having people here and the excitement of getting ready and all that. At the same time, however, I'm trying to manage a larger struggle and I really don't know how.

Three weeks ago my mom called to tell me about a job. It's a seventh grade teaching job at a very prestigious private school in Nashville. It is, in fact, the school where she teaches kindergarten. She knows that's about the only job that would get me back to Nashville, so she was excited -- in the extreme.

I shined up my resume, wrote a brilliant cover letter (with some editing help from Meg -- thanks again for that), collected copies of transcripts from all over the house and begged a couple of letters of recommendation. And sent it in.

On Monday the head of the middle school called and we had a really amazing chat on the phone. He was pleased. I was pleased. He is going to have the head of the English department call and talk with me later this week. Then they will probably ask me to come to campus and teach a class. I'm a strong candidate, it seems. Which is exciting.

It's also terrifying. Because every single instinct I have is screaming that this is a bad decision waiting to happen.

Don't get me wrong. This job is ideal. It's the job I would have dreamed up, had I been idly dreaming up jobs in my swathes of random free time. I'm not sure I could make the job any better.

Except for where it is. Because I really don't want to be back in Nashville.

And here's why:

The housing boom isn't over yet, which means everything is too expensive. I was looking at rental houses and apartments, and they are crazy expensive, even in the crappy parts of town.

The schools are hellish in the parts of town where we might actually manage to afford to live -- and they just implemented a uniform policy, which means my kids are stuck in a bad public school in a bad uniform.

I have no before or after school care mechanism, which is problematic since most of the schools contract that out through the Y, and the Y on the side of town we can afford is disgusting (and in a really bad part of town).

I just feel -- I don't even know what I feel -- like I'm drowning? And how ungrateful is that?